Iron Chef Wannabe Pillows

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Still haven't quite figured out the pressure cooker, huh dad?"

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Hold on, Pepe!... The score is tied with less than a minute to go - and the losing team gets boiled.'

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

"Balanced Diet"

Boy baking a cake.

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'Step 5. Call the Fire Department.'

"I want you to be well in life, son...."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

French bread

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

'Too much salt!'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Just call me Delia...'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

"I can't wait to go home and replace all your sports channels with cooking channels."

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Would you believe it the E.U. have put a cap on the numbers of celebrity chefs we can have!'

"You don't have any cooking experience? We should be able to get you a job at a hospital cafeteria."

"No, dear. This meal isn't undercooked, you just haven't burnt it, for a change."

'Hi, I saw your ad and I'm interested in the entree-level position!'

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'Son, do you think I'm ready for my own cooking show?'

Jo Jo Was Anything But a Quitter.