Invisible Boardroom Ninja Gifts

By not taking sides and staying as neutral as possible, Bob was safe – and virtually invisible.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Bo're'droom

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I've given a lot of thought to giving some thought to your latest proposal.'

That party went well.

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"That's unanimous then - we don't know what to do."

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

Stand-up comic/ceo: 'A funny thing happened on the way to the board meeting...'

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

'Don't worry, Skeeter, the Big Guy is really gonna take to you.'

'Ah, the Bermuda Rectangle for files.'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."