Boardroom Comic Fan Gifts

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'We're a democracy here, as long as everyone votes in favour of what I want!'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

'Well, your guess is as good as mine. Almost.'

'The 'meows' have it...'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."