Internet Influencer Skeptic Pillows

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

Changing Minds

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"