Internet Influencer Pillows

The power of the blog.

"I take offense, therefore I am."

"I'm sorry, Paige, but grades are based on the quality of the writing, not on your Klout score."

"I post therefore I am."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

Changing Minds

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"This is off our first TikTok."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."