Social Influencer Pillows

"I still compose my tweets in longhand on a yellow legal pad."

"I want you to meet these guys-they've got the hottest new stupid thing on the Internet."

Selfie Man

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Mark Zuckerberg

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"This is off our first TikTok."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

Witches of Instagram

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"