Digital Influencer Pillows

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

'A grade of 85 or higher will get you favorable mention in my blog.'

"To be honest, I'm only dating you because you're trending."

"Without social media how would everyone know that I was vegan?"

Media Whore Raceway.

"Okay, I'll admit it. I'm only dating you so you'll follow me on social media."

"How did you get all those rats to follow you into the river?" "Easy. First I got them to follow me on social media."

"What I lack in charisma I make up for in social media presence."

"Time to prop up my ego. . ."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

Witches of Instagram

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."