Online Influencer Pillows

'Does a blog count as being published.'

"If it weren't for Instagram, I'd have no self-esteem at all."

'Tweet, tweet...Acme Bird Seed is the best, tweet.'

Social Media Math: 10,000 Likes + 30 Quality Likes = 30 Total Likes

'According to his blog, Vince has just made another kill...'

"Hey, I just got my thousandth follower."

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

Jane tried to increase her social media status by proposing the toast of the day.

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

In the social media courtroom...

"Your resume is mediocre, but I'm very impressed by your social media persona."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

Changing Minds

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"