Online Influencer Gifts

'Does a blog count as being published.'

"If it weren't for Instagram, I'd have no self-esteem at all."

'Tweet, tweet...Acme Bird Seed is the best, tweet.'

Donald Trump's going to be the Republican nominee. Mark my words. No way. In the four seconds it took you to say that sentence, I posted a tweet about him and counted the number of retweets. I've got 15,000 followers. Not a single one retweeted it. And look, seven people just stopped following me. I'm not convinced your methodology is scientifically sound. Another one just insulted my mother.

Social Media Math: 10,000 Likes + 30 Quality Likes = 30 Total Likes

"My big fat ego has just discovered Twitter!"

Here Lies An Honest Man, Follow Me On Twitter

If fruits and vegetables used Facebook

'According to his blog, Vince has just made another kill...'

"Hey, I just got my thousandth follower."

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

"I just tweeted a chirp."

"I have 1,8000 friends on facebook....and you want a college degree?"

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

Jane tried to increase her social media status by proposing the toast of the day.

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

In the social media courtroom...

"Your resume is mediocre, but I'm very impressed by your social media persona."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

A is for App...B is for Blogger...C is for Celebrity.

Changing Minds

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Mark Zuckerberg

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"Mommy, watch, I'm living authentically!"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'