Ironic Influencer Pillows

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

Witches of Instagram

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'