Ironic Influencer Gifts

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"We're staying together for the sake of our facebook page..."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"Eye of Newt, wing of bat, let's instagram it!"

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Creativity 2.0

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"This is off our first TikTok."

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

Witches of Instagram

Paranoia vs Social Currency.

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'How do I get people to visit my...'

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."