International Influencer Gifts

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

Changing Minds

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Influence this."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

Witches of Instagram

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"He has the tweeting skills of a man twice his age."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.