International Influencer T-Shirts

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

Changing Minds

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

"Influence this."

Creativity 2.0

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Witches of Instagram

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.