Insurance Raconteur Gifts

Well, whaddaya know, your insurance DOES cover probes. Check-Out.

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"I'll need a three iron."

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

How Platypuses Are Born

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

Social butterfly

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

Brenda always had Safe sex

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

"And this is where I met your mum."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."