Office Raconteur Gifts

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

"Well, hey, Robin - it sounds like we're about ready for your suits to come over here and talk to mine."

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

'It just got ugly. Ed from I.T. drank the entire water cooler and he wasn't even thirsty!'

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

"Did you hear the good news? We're engaged to become work spouses."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

"Pretty good day. I wasn't linked to anything incriminating."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

'What I like most about the new boss is that you always know EXACTLY where you stand with him!'

"Social distancing... masks, it's difficult sometimes to know who you're talking to."

How Platypuses Are Born

"Believe me, Alice, you didn't miss a thing. It wasn't even a party—it was a positioning event."

"I was married to my job for years, and now, all of a sudden, I'm paying ALIMONY to it!"

Watercooler moments weren't quite the same since Norman started working from home.

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"Old, you've seemed a bit down recently. Do you need anything?"

"Great first quarter guys but I'm a little concerned about the future."

'Sure, the term 'lab rat' has a lot of negative connotations but having drugs tested on you isn't so bad if you're a hypochondriac...'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

'You can always tell the ones with the big severance buyouts.'

'Goodbye 'Kiss and Tell'. Hello 'Discuss and lose interest.''

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

"This is Daddy, honey. That was Daddy's office voice."