Workplace Raconteur Gifts

"Old, you've seemed a bit down recently. Do you need anything?"

'You can always tell the ones with the big severance buyouts.'

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

'It just got ugly. Ed from I.T. drank the entire water cooler and he wasn't even thirsty!'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

"Did you hear the good news? We're engaged to become work spouses."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'

'Of course it's not your fault, Smedley, but someone has to accept the responsibility.'

"Pretty good day. I wasn't linked to anything incriminating."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

"Social distancing... masks, it's difficult sometimes to know who you're talking to."

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

"I understand that you've been demanding more vacation time. . . so we've decided to let you have the rest of your life off."

This cologne reminds my husband of our first kiss, years ago in the old copy room. It's eau de mimeograph.

"I was married to my job for years, and now, all of a sudden, I'm paying ALIMONY to it!"

Watercooler moments weren't quite the same since Norman started working from home.

"We're becoming a new dynamic company, Miss Peeble, and frankly you just haven't got the wow factor."

'My boss took a pre-emtive strike... he fired me!'

"Great first quarter guys but I'm a little concerned about the future."

'Maybe we are micro-managing a bit too much.'

"And then she slapped my face, injuring my beard."