Occupational Hazard Raconteur Gifts

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"I'll need a three iron."

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

'I'd think twice before picking c-4.'

How Platypuses Are Born

'Doris has THE BEST horror stories. She's a pedicurist.'

Watercooler moments weren't quite the same since Norman started working from home.

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

"Old, you've seemed a bit down recently. Do you need anything?"

Caution: Wet Floor

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

'You can always tell the ones with the big severance buyouts.'

"So what brings you to this godforsaken end of the bar?"

Well, whaddaya know, your insurance DOES cover probes. Check-Out.

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

'Hey guys, meet our new safety director.'

"Considering my cash flow, best practices would prescribe that you pick up the check."

I can sum up the performance of my horse in one word...Last!

Colin missed chatting with his colleagues over his sales success

"Well, hey, Robin - it sounds like we're about ready for your suits to come over here and talk to mine."