Occupational Hazard Raconteur Pillows

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Telecommuting doesn't hold up well during team building trust exercises.

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"I'll need a three iron."

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

'I'd think twice before picking c-4.'

'Doris has THE BEST horror stories. She's a pedicurist.'

How Platypuses Are Born

Watercooler moments weren't quite the same since Norman started working from home.

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

"Old, you've seemed a bit down recently. Do you need anything?"

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

'You can always tell the ones with the big severance buyouts.'

Caution: Wet Floor

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

'Hey guys, meet our new safety director.'

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"

"Considering my cash flow, best practices would prescribe that you pick up the check."

I can sum up the performance of my horse in one word...Last!

Colin missed chatting with his colleagues over his sales success

Tell me what you know about destiny...

"Well, hey, Robin - it sounds like we're about ready for your suits to come over here and talk to mine."