Career Raconteur Pillows

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

"Bartleson, are we cronies yet?"

And that, gentlemen, is my opinion for what it's worth.

"I'll need a three iron."

"He assured me the merger is nothing to worry about."

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

"This is juicy - tell me more!"

"The employer-employee bond is sometimes difficult to sever."

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"Old, you've seemed a bit down recently. Do you need anything?"

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

Brenda always had Safe sex

"Oh, I'm not arguing. I'm just stating my opinion and ignoring everything you say."

"I'm the writer, executive producer, and star of my fibs."

'You can always tell the ones with the big severance buyouts.'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

'What's up with your mum's stomach?'

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."

"Tonight: date with an angel: gonna meet her at seven: be on my way to heaven. Get the picture, Bob?"