Career Storytellers Pillows

I don't consider it to be lying on my resume. I think of it as a revisionist employment history.

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Of course, we have to begin with certain assumptions. Let's assume I'm right and you're wrong.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

Wall of Office Memories

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'My office is always open to you Charles, at least until maintenance repairs the door lock.'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Crafty Beer: "I'm making a scrapbook of when you were still fermenting."

"This is the deluxe edition Annual Report Director's Cut with restored graphs and alternative endings."

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

When staffing agencies screw up.