Insurance Joker Gifts

"The results of the X-ray show that you have very poor health insurance."

This fish is battered! Thank goodness I remembered the insurance!

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'We decided the current system for reviewing corporation tax was too complex so we'll trial the 'think of a number and then double it' method.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

During his financial report to the board of directors, Ted hits the poignancy button by mistake.

'It's your four basic food groups.'

'Do you have your insurance information on you?'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

'Hi! -- I'm selling theory insurance!'

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"I got connections. We'll pull a few strings, get you out of here in no time"

'Your medical coverage does not consider that a medical necessity.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

'You should probably just ignore that. Your insurance doesn't even begin to cover it.'

'You'll get a new lease on life if your HMO will pay the rent.'

So...who is your provider ?