Insurance Jester Gifts

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

"Stop! You still need to see the receptionist about your co-pay."

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

'Don't be alarmed - loss of bladder control is a side effect of receiving my bill.'

"Having a new patient with all your ailments, Mr. Shneeburg, is almost like winning the lottery."

'Bad news - your policy covers your heart itself, but not the arteries.'

"I'm no longer afraid of doctors. It�s the medical insurance men that frighten me!"

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

"Important thing is I have insurance and that's that!"

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

"We have a new fire and theft policy. We only pay if your house is burgled while its burning."

'You should probably just ignore that. Your insurance doesn't even begin to cover it.'

What do you mean 'Hunting insurance is only for those DOING the hunting'?!

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

'You'll get a new lease on life if your HMO will pay the rent.'

Doll Hospital: All insurance plans accepted.

"Can you move closer to me. You coverage doesn't require me to try very hard."

'I feel a lot better! I hacked into your computer and reduced my insurance co-pay.'

'As I am writing this, a dozen people are watching me. They think I'm leaving details of my insurance company, but I am not!'

'What do you mean this isn't covered by my house insurance?'

'You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. Do, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?'

"I could use a real shot in the arm, but my HMO doesn't cover it."

I'm glad Twig's injuries aren't serious. Even so, her emergency room visit was $972. The good news is we've got health care. There's bad news. The deductible is $1,500. That's no so bad. One more accident and we can collect! Teddy! Got a job for you!

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Why markets crash.