Safety Jester Gifts

Running with scissors

"We don't need airbags, I filled the car with marshmallows."

Kite Fail

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

Where's the covid?

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

Bad Interview Technique

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Where does it hurt?'