Worksite Jester Gifts

'Hank, can I level with you'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I hate performance review season."

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"You work too hard. You have stress balls!"

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'I bet you think I'm drinking tea...'

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

Scapegoat of the Year

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Brains...brains...brains...'