Injury Jester Gifts

'Where does it hurt?'

'He can't seem to keep anything down.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Beer Order

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

A baby in court

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"I got probation."

Justice