Injury Jester Pillows

'Where does it hurt?'

'He can't seem to keep anything down.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Beer Order

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

A baby in court

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Justice

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'