Tire Iron Jester Pillows

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

Beer Order

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

A baby in court

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"