Bike Jester Pillows

A cyclist

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Women in a cross country race

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Beer Order

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

"#notguilty."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"I got probation."

Justice

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'