Bike Jester Pillows

A cyclist

"We're following Carrot Top."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Beer Order

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Women in a cross country race

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I got probation."

Justice