Internet Jester Gifts

Bad Interview Technique

Cyber crime.

"Internet's fine to me."

'For the last time, this isn't that kind of web and I don't have any funny pictures of cats!'

Reading comments about something you post online.

Computer clown.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Last month, I offended 367 people on social media..."

"It's terminal? Brill, I was worried my YouTube channel was loosing it edge."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Hardware and software

Oh, wait - Their king posted a declaration of war on your Facebook wall this morning.

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."