Technology Jester Gifts

'Ringtone or No ringtones section?'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

"Getting a signal?"

Cow Printer

Common tactical errors made by novice computer chess players: putting the pieces directly in the disk drive.

Computer cables as fire ladder.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Phyllis, this isn�t my laptop..."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

Hardware and software

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

'They just kept sending out memos. Who cared if they made sense?'

Bad Interview Technique

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'