Safety Juggler Gifts

'Settle down! The bell is a signal for me, not for you.'

Before I can stop and smell the roses, I need time to stop and plant the @#$% roses.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

Stop and Birch

Education Guidance

A child and his dog

Business cartoon showing a stressed business woman who has three urgent messages on her office door.

Days without an incident.

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'I don't like being a crash dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

Insurance company agreeing workers' compensation policy in a demolition company.

Clown uses skirting flower to prevent hot foot

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

"Be careful — these plates are hot."

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games may be having an effect on you.'

"I have to get this project finished."

"I never promised I would get you off. I alleged it."

Swiss army justice.

"Oh I never lose any sleep over my criminal cases. I figure that even if I lose, I'm not the one going to Jail!"

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'

"What did I tell you about destroying Mommy's inner balance?"

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

'No I haven't got a light, shove off!'

Sorry, sir, but today is Tuesday, and I never did get the hang of Tuesdays.

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

"You want my undivided attention? I don't think it exists."

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

"We don't need airbags, I filled the car with marshmallows."