Automotive Jester Gifts

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Born In Captivity.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'Do you have your insurance information on you?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

'How about a nice saloon?'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."