Driving Law Jester Gifts

"The reason I can't show you my licence is because you took it away from me yesterday!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Halfway across the Hudson River Billy Joe realized he wasn't going to Elvis Island.

'How about a game of cards?'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Yawning barristers in court

"I say we move on to dessert."

A baby in court

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Tourist

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

Basketball.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'