Automobile Jokester Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

CLEAR!

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Volkswagen Scandal

World's cheapest car

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

"Don't you ever run off again to get your oil changed without telling me."

'Beware of SUV.'

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

'It's a British car. Needs braces.'

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

All you'd expect in a British car!

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

'Power steering.'

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

Australian Sat Nav - 'Straight on mate'.

"It's a hybrid if you think it is. Runs on gas and the power of positive thinking."

'Why can't you ride under the dash like other airbags?'

"Clean your wallet, sir?"

"..and I've recently had it converted to LGP"

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"I got a 'millennial anti-theft device' in my car." "Steering wheel lock?" "Stick shift."

Driver with a rear view mirror attached to his forehead.

Road rage in the car-to-car technology era.

Tin man visits automotive oil change facility.

'This model runs on antibiotics.'

"Yup, brakes are shot. Lemme check to see if I have any size ten in stock."

"Yes, it does come with a tech package. It's called a battery."

The Magician world's version of Fluffy dice.

It's just until I stop chasing cars.

The fairy godmother made a coach for Cinderella out of a pumpkin! Bill. That's nothing. Some guys made a car for me out of a lemon!