Jokester On Car Problems Gifts

Ed on the price of gas

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"Okay. Hit it."

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked...?"

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

'Power steering.'

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

Ace Novelties

'I'm so embarrassed driving such a filthy vehicle...'

The Groundhog didn't see his shadow...because the superdome lights were out.

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

'The men are wondering...If we knock up four power stations this week, can we have next week off...?'

Why politicians shouldn't be allowed to have children.

'When I think of all the homework my dog ate, I can hardly believe that I'm sitting at this desk.'

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

"Sir, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car and place your thumbs on this text-alizer..."

'Blow into this, please sir.'

Motorist sees three road signs: Bump, bump, badump.

What's the car doing there? That's God come to drive them from the garden.

"Install it in the back seat, I'm used to getting my driving directions from there."

"Hey!! What am I supposed to do with this?!!"

"The bad news is; I can't get it to go. The good news is; It'll be really low on fuel consumption."

Your handsign was okay, pity you didn't open the window!

Car Rental: 'Just be glad it's once a year.'