Jokester On Car Problems Prints

Ed on the price of gas

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"Okay. Hit it."

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

"Darling! - did you know your books are crooked...?"

'Power steering.'

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

"I keep hearing a knocking noise."

Ace Novelties

'You didn't really think you'd get away with this, did you?'

'I'm so embarrassed driving such a filthy vehicle...'

The fairy godmother made a coach for Cinderella out of a pumpkin! Bill. That's nothing. Some guys made a car for me out of a lemon!

The Groundhog didn't see his shadow...because the superdome lights were out.

"Lazarus was a whole different deal. This engine is just dead, dead, dead."

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

'When I think of all the homework my dog ate, I can hardly believe that I'm sitting at this desk.'

Why politicians shouldn't be allowed to have children.

'The men are wondering...If we knock up four power stations this week, can we have next week off...?'

I thought "E" meant enough.

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

"Sir, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car and place your thumbs on this text-alizer..."

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

'Blow into this, please sir.'

Motorist sees three road signs: Bump, bump, badump.

What's the car doing there? That's God come to drive them from the garden.

"Hey!! What am I supposed to do with this?!!"

"Install it in the back seat, I'm used to getting my driving directions from there."

Face it, Gloria: I'm a love machine. Don't look now, but your "check engine" light is on.

Your handsign was okay, pity you didn't open the window!

"The bad news is; I can't get it to go. The good news is; It'll be really low on fuel consumption."