Vehicle Jokester Gifts

Face it, Gloria: I'm a love machine. Don't look now, but your "check engine" light is on.

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Lucky car.

No Hand Signals

'Power steering.'

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

'Crash test dummy parking only' sign.

'You didn't really think you'd get away with this, did you?'

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

The fairy godmother made a coach for Cinderella out of a pumpkin! Bill. That's nothing. Some guys made a car for me out of a lemon!

Roger's computer crashes.

"Lazarus was a whole different deal. This engine is just dead, dead, dead."

"I thought we said no presents!"

I thought "E" meant enough.

Prehistoric school bus stop.

"Frankly, our dental plan bites."

Why politicians shouldn't be allowed to have children.

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

Police car bumper sticker: 'Honk if you want a traffic ticket'.

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

Ed on the price of gas

'Sorry, but you can't drive in the HOV lane because you've gained ten pounds.'

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

"Rad's shot. Looks like a drive-by."

The latest construction safety device: air bags on jack hammers.

What's the car doing there? That's God come to drive them from the garden.

"Install it in the back seat, I'm used to getting my driving directions from there."

Towing truck pulling car from top of car show room

"Do you want life insurance, or mobile home insurance?"

Car Rental: 'Just be glad it's once a year.'

'What seems to be the problem?'