Engine Jokester Gifts

"Lazarus was a whole different deal. This engine is just dead, dead, dead."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'Tax man practical joker sticks sign on colleague's back which reads; Tax me.'

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Well Sir, it tastes like O-positive to me...'

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

"See what I mean, it keeps making funny noises."

'Power steering.'

Marathon runners in silly costumes.

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #2

Did you hear about the latest oil spill, Gloria? Let me guess

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

Roger's computer crashes.

'Of course it's worth it, think of the water we're saving.'

"I thought we said no presents!"

Why politicians shouldn't be allowed to have children.

Twelve letters for "haste makes waste"? "Lickety splat"!

The Why-Can't-This-Event-Be-In-Miles-Like-Other-Sports-In-This-Country 10K

"Frankly, our dental plan bites."

Wind Farm

"What are we going to do about those air pollution complaints?"

'Quit giving it gas...you're going to flood this thing.'

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

Football Recycling

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

"Rad's shot. Looks like a drive-by."

What's the car doing there? That's God come to drive them from the garden.

'All you need is a pencil, a cuddly toy and a blowtorch, and you're ready to begin.'

I'm not a tree hugger --- I'm a squirrel!

The good news is that there are no flies in my soup. The bad news is that I have fly paper stuck to my head.

Face it, Gloria: I'm a love machine. Don't look now, but your "check engine" light is on.

"Do you want life insurance, or mobile home insurance?"