Jokester About Driving Gifts

"Install it in the back seat, I'm used to getting my driving directions from there."

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

Farts.

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

'Power steering.'

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

"Watch out Stan, we've got a tail-gater."

'Automobilia Now: Lemon and Lemonaid.

Why politicians shouldn't be allowed to have children.

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

Police car bumper sticker: 'Honk if you want a traffic ticket'.

Ed on the price of gas

"Flashed again....Anyone would think I was on full beam!"

"In that case you're getting a ticket for parking on a motorway."

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

"Sir, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car and place your thumbs on this text-alizer..."

'Sorry, but you can't drive in the HOV lane because you've gained ten pounds.'

"That's a service they offer for parents traveling on vacation with their kids."

What's the car doing there? That's God come to drive them from the garden.

"I can't wait till somebody forgets to dim his headlights!"

"I want to be ready in case there's an emergency."

Your handsign was okay, pity you didn't open the window!

Car Rental: 'Just be glad it's once a year.'

'What seems to be the problem?'