Jokester About Driving Pillows

"Install it in the back seat, I'm used to getting my driving directions from there."

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.'

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'Oh I could fix it for under fifty bucks, but I just couldn't live with myself knowing that someday you might need a whole new engine.'

Farts.

'You need orthopedic brake shoes.'

'Congratulations. You've passed.'

'Power steering.'

The fairy godmother made a coach for Cinderella out of a pumpkin! Bill. That's nothing. Some guys made a car for me out of a lemon!

'You didn't really think you'd get away with this, did you?'

"It will cost $1,200 to fix that dent...or I could just make an identical dent on the other side for $19.99."

Prehistoric school bus stop.

'Automobilia Now: Lemon and Lemonaid.

Why politicians shouldn't be allowed to have children.

"Watch out Stan, we've got a tail-gater."

I take it back - He's not writing a text and driving, he's illustrating a text and driving.

"The worst thing about selling electric cars? The jokes about sticker shock."

'Thank goodness I remembered to bring those spares!'

Police car bumper sticker: 'Honk if you want a traffic ticket'.

Speed laws enforced by gawkers at accidents.

"Sir, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car and place your thumbs on this text-alizer..."

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

'Sorry, but you can't drive in the HOV lane because you've gained ten pounds.'

"That's a service they offer for parents traveling on vacation with their kids."

"Flashed again....Anyone would think I was on full beam!"

"In that case you're getting a ticket for parking on a motorway."

Ed on the price of gas

What's the car doing there? That's God come to drive them from the garden.

"I can't wait till somebody forgets to dim his headlights!"

"I want to be ready in case there's an emergency."

Face it, Gloria: I'm a love machine. Don't look now, but your "check engine" light is on.

Your handsign was okay, pity you didn't open the window!

Car Rental: 'Just be glad it's once a year.'