Infomercial Actor Gifts

Where Are They Now?

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

'Side effects may include....'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'Well, I suppose it makes a change from powerpoint presentations...'

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

And if it's successful, we'll do an infomercial.

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

Creative Director skipping through an advertising portfolio.

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

Palm Reading

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

"But wait, there's more."

"Has this ever happened to you? Well, with our Medical Emergency Distress System..."

'Hey! -- that Maytag repairman is an impostor!'

'When you caught yourself saying the repetitive never-ending TV commercials and couldn't stop doing it, you should have come to see me then!'

'I love it, the chief loves it. The client loves it but the Gods don't love it.'

"They do say results will vary."

'...But the good news is TV ads have been promoting the idea that money isn't everything.'

'Okay, I'll do one more dog food commercial, but I don't want to get typecast.'

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

Call now! Performers in dramatizations in informercials often rush through their lines. They're following the exhortation to "act quickly."

"You know that drug commercial where everyone is laughing and running around with friends and dogs enjoying the beautiful day? What are they on?"

"The only side effect from this new drug will be a mind-numbing barrage of commercials on daytime TV."

'Yummo Toothpaste contains no caffeine, and cleans your teeth better than Coke or Pepsi!'

"Play the old Winston jingle."

'Act now and you'll get this slicerdicer absolutely free! But wait, that's not all...'

“Act now—the first fifty callers receive a presidential pardon.”

'Your arteries are 90% clogged with all the junk food advertised on T.V.'

'An advert would be better... I don't come over well on TV!'