Infomercials Gifts

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Generic Store: Sign in Window

"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Real Estate Personals

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

"Misery, torment, N.Y. football"

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

PODs Venn Diagram

Where Are They Now?

And if it's successful, we'll do an infomercial.

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

'And now for some fresh and existing commercials before we get back to our dull, uninteresting, and hum-drum story.'

'...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys don't really have a gun...no this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant...'

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

"But wait, there's more."

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

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"Eat your veggies, eat your grains, but don't forget to eat some brains."

'Hey! -- that Maytag repairman is an impostor!'

'I love it, the chief loves it. The client loves it but the Gods don't love it.'

"Has this ever happened to you? Well, with our Medical Emergency Distress System..."

'After nine commercials I've forgotten what film we were watching.'

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