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"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

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"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

Generic Store: Sign in Window

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Real Estate Personals

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'I'm a voice over artist.'

'Big-time operators are standing by....'

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

"Misery, torment, N.Y. football"

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

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Where Are They Now?

And if it's successful, we'll do an infomercial.

'And now for some fresh and existing commercials before we get back to our dull, uninteresting, and hum-drum story.'

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

'...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys don't really have a gun...no this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant...'

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

"But wait, there's more."

"Get another cab, Dad. This one is creepin' me out."

'Hey! -- that Maytag repairman is an impostor!'

'I love it, the chief loves it. The client loves it but the Gods don't love it.'

"Has this ever happened to you? Well, with our Medical Emergency Distress System..."

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'After nine commercials I've forgotten what film we were watching.'

'...But the good news is TV ads have been promoting the idea that money isn't everything.'

'Okay, I'll do one more dog food commercial, but I don't want to get typecast.'