Infomercial Enthusiast Gifts

The Shop-at-Home Channel's Lowest-rated Show:The Insurance Hour.

"Mom, I love infomercials...there are no commercials!"

Joe experiences a profound, life-changing moment of clarity, but it simply can't compete with the cool informercial he was watching at the time.

“Act now—the first fifty callers receive a presidential pardon.”

Call now! Performers in dramatizations in informercials often rush through their lines. They're following the exhortation to "act quickly."

"Are you tired of cleaning your ears?"

"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

'You have the honor of being the first person to go bankrupt from buying too many of those $19.95 offers on TV.'

And if it's successful, we'll do an infomercial.

'He was a member of the Everlasting Church of the Informercial.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

Sale. To do this job you just need to follow the old adage and "dance like nobody's watching"!

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Gerald Ratner's return

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

News for Sale

Classic Autos: We have muscle cars for weaklings!

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Honesty in retail