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"Nobody has ever gone broke underestimating American attention spans."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"I got an 'A' - and all my research was from infomercials."

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

Eat Beef

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

Honesty in retail

News for Sale

Copywriter's blank paper compared to the gridded screen of a content provider.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

They get into debt so fast these days...