Commercial Aficionado Gifts

'And now for some fresh and existing commercials before we get back to our dull, uninteresting, and hum-drum story.'

"Eat your veggies, eat your grains, but don't forget to eat some brains."

It may be time for you to retire to light beer commercials.

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

TPP - Investor State Dispute Settlement

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

'I put that the pilgrims ate Butterball Turkey, Stove Top Stuffing, and Mrs. Smith's Pie. Think she'll give extra credit for brand names?'

Supply Chain

News for Sale

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

Copywriter's blank paper compared to the gridded screen of a content provider.