Commercial Aficionado Gifts

'And now for some fresh and existing commercials before we get back to our dull, uninteresting, and hum-drum story.'

It may be time for you to retire to light beer commercials.

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"Damnit, executive-trainees don't have 'accidents'."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

TPP - Investor State Dispute Settlement

Big Shot/Bigger Shot.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

Supply Chain

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

Honesty in retail

They get into debt so fast these days...

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Eat Beef

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."