Ads Aficionado Gifts

Teleshopping

'Customers are calling 911 about our product. They need the Jaws Of Life to get into the packaging.'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

'If only every year was an election year.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Important Food Groups

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Eat Beef

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

They get into debt so fast these days...

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

Gerald Ratner's return

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Honesty in retail

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"We're looking for the kind of bad taste that will grab - but not appall."

Roads with a view.

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.