Infant Comedy Pillows

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"It's his emotional support animal."

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

The Amazing Mr Sausage

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

"I'm training him."

'Let's do the Good Dog, Bad Dog routine.'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

'Have you washed your hands?'