Infant Comedy Pillows

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

The Amazing Mr Sausage

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

'I thought I might try a bit of Stand-up.'

"No chance of accumulating frequent birthing points in here. This is the only trip I'll take."

'Let's do the Good Dog, Bad Dog routine.'

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

Gangster Babies

"No, I thought YOU put the picnic basket in the car."

"I'm training him."

'I'm a loaf of bread.'