Immortality Gifts

'When Jack became immortal, something went out of our marriage.'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body. That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000. Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he's concerned about mortality. Your answer should have been "nothing." The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy. I think I'd rather wait for the 7000-s. Stop it.

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Hell Separates Real Madrid and Barcelona fans.

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'This is way better than a litter box.'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'So that's why I didn't get that train set? !'.

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Welcome to Heaven. By the way, here's your favorite club you lost on that course 28 years ago.'