Immortality Pillows

'When Jack became immortal, something went out of our marriage.'

Wanted to live forever, died trying.

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Cloning is an imperfect science."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

'Welcome to Heaven. By the way, here's your favorite club you lost on that course 28 years ago.'

'So that's why I didn't get that train set? !'.

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.